Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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