Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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