I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
