I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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