Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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