We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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