I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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