That's when you crack a 10am beer
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
