there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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