Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
