Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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