I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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