Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
