she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
