I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize