I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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