I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Randomize
