i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
