So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
