I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
