dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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