The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
