I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
