Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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