I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
