Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
