I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
