This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize