I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
