Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
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