Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
