You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
