u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
