I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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