This girl is more easily done than said...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Can you bring me the toilet please
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Omg I joined a choir last night...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
