The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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