All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
