Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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