and you said cock pushups were impossible
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize