Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
