Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My cat gives me a boner
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
