do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
