I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
