drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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