shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
