I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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