i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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