haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My vagina just recognized that song.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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