He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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