just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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