I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dignity is for republicans.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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