Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
