The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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