I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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