would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
