It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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