I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
