Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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