Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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