and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
