I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize