These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize