If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Green mimosas i think yes
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
