I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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