I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
