I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
