Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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