HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
