could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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