Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Let's get the cat blown out
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
