Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
