You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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