I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
