i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
