So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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