Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
