she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
this boner is exhausting
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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