hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
