Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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