dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
