the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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