Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
