You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i think i have two assholes
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
