Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i will never coherently bang her
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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