Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
