i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
