It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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