respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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