Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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