her vagine was all disorganized.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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