Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
