dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
