What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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