every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
