dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
