Yo dont text me then not text me
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
