dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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