Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
