He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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